I am more excited about Gilmore Girls creating new episodes for Netflix than I was when my state legalized gay marriage, and yes, I am deeply ashamed about this.
Here’s what Amy Sherman-Palladino must do to redeem the show and revert it to all its former autumnal, quippy, and small-town glory:
- KILL APRIL. I don’t mean to sound harsh here, but it is the only way. It isn’t in Luke’s nature to give up visiting her, and it isn’t fair to viewers to keep this whiny little buzzkill around. Even though this new Gilmore Girls will be set many years later, April will still suck, and I never want to see her ever again.
- Reunite Rory and Jess. This isn’t even a matter of giving the viewers what they want (and yes, Amy, this is what they want) but more a matter of charisma. Complementing personalities. Attraction. Doing what is right for the world.
- Have Lorelai and Luke stay in Stars Hollow. Enough of this nonsense about selling her inn and traveling the world. Luke and Lorelai had better be married and dealing with no more drama than their daily banter about Lorelai’s health habits.
- Acknowledge Richard Gilmore’s passing. Don’t miss this opportunity to honor Edward Hermann for his steady hand in the show. Emily will be a mess without him, and unfortunately, this must be revealed.
- Let Michel come out. The show has always been careful to avoid any sort of outright statement about Michel’s sexuality, but it has hinted at it. Give Michel a tall, dark, and handsome french boyfriend.
- Give Christopher and Lorelai a relationship. I’m sure they are amicable, and that Rory and Gigi are quite close. Rory is probably a mentor to Gigi, inspiring her to apply to Chilton.
- Don’t have Rory live in Stars Hollow yet. It’s not realistic; she will be off working on campaigns or being a bad-ass journalist somewhere, but she won’t be in Connecticut, although she will visit often.
- KEEP THE THEME SONG.
- Don’t let David Rosenthal anywhere near the script.
- Don’t pretend things haven’t changed. A new Gilmore Girls is magical, but it will also be a little heartbreaking, a little sad, to see that our childhood is gone and that our favorite show cannot be everlasting. And this is true: we must adjust our expectations to acknowledge the time that has passed, and the seventh season that cannot be undone.