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  1. Oh, fuck.
  2. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
  3. Yes, I see you, I’m stopping, chill.
  4. Ok, this is good. I look like I’m 16 and I’m a woman. Those are like the two most privileged groups for getting out of tickets, right? Like the 1%.
  5. Wait, he’s cute.
  6. Really cute.
  7. …and he’s rude. Why are those two traits always interconnected?
  8. No, sir, I had no idea I was going that fast. I definitely do not usually speed on this road that leads to my house that never has cops on it.
  9. I wonder if I asked him out to dinner if he would just let this go. That kind of happens in Bridesmaids, right?
  10. Well, he’s not going to want to after seeing my license picture.
  11. He kind of looks like that prick that leaves Daya pregnant and in prison in OITNB. Such a jerk. I can’t believe he would do that.
  12. What is he doing is his car for so long? Sexting his girlfriend? Writing a to-do list? Listening to an entire mix-tape? Probably thinking of more ways to screw Daya over. Jerk.
  13. Actually, in all seriousness, I could have read three chapters of a Harry Potter book by now. Six chapters of one of the earlier ones.
  14. I bet I could eat an entire medium Papa John’s pizza in this time. With toppings.
  15. I’m so hungry.
  16. Annnnnnnnd he’s back. Hello, hello. Did you notice my new lipstick?
  17. He didn’t notice. Oh, he’s gonna let me off! He’s giving me a soft, doe-eyed expression. Yes. Yes. Say it.
  18. Damn it. Damn you. Don’t tell me “not to worry.”
  19. Poor Daya.
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